2nd night after the funeral

i should be in bed right now, but things just keep circling in my head, so i got up instead. nothing much, but last night i dreamt of my friend. it wasnt a bad dream, it was just a dream that i stare at him for a long long time, looking carefully of his face, as if i'm worrying that i'd forget this face & he was looking at me as well...... 

his funeral was held last sunday, even though it was sad, i cried so badly that i had a crazy headache the next day. but i also saw many blessings there. esp his girlfriend, who is now growing a much closer relationship with God, depending on Him and she had become a person full of gentleness, kindness and patience. and kelvin must have finally realised how much others care for him during his sickness, for in the past he had always been pushing people's care away. and he was very thankful to all of our care too. God know exactly what He is doing and it is the best plan for everyone. though there r many other things still unknown, but i had faith it would all turn out to be great.

then why am i unable to sleep, coz it reminds me of dreaming about another friend who has been away for 4 yrs now. i dreamt of her 4 times and they were bitterly "good" dreams. i know i should have let this bitterness evaporate... i should pray about it.

she left this world 4yrs ago, "liberated" herself from the top of the building. i still wished that it had never happened, especially it happened in the time that i wasn't there in hk. my heart still feel the pain till now.

the 1st time i dreamt of her, was i saw someone on the street that looks like her and i chase and chase and chase, but i lost sight of her at the end, it was too far away.

the 2nd time, same, but this time it was much closer, i could as if sure that it was her.

the 3rd time, i finally caught up to her and it was her and we chatted. and she told me how everything was just a silly mistake and she is still living very well.

the 4th time, we hang out, she got a new hair style and i told her that she looks really nice with it. it was a happy day that we went shopping together.

and after that, i had never dreamt of her again. i guess, that's it and that's enough. i know i most wished the 3rd & the 4th time was true, but when i woke up, a sharp knife stabbed into my heart and that's all it was.

a dream is a dream. and the fact is the fact. the fact is that it is a dream and a dream is just one of the activity that happen in reality which is fortunately and unfortunately unreal. haha... a paradox is a paradox, no intention to solve something that does not need to be solve.

dear kelvin, dear caroline, sleep well. gdnight.

小白的最後

my psalm

o Lord, o Lord, where is Your glorious face,
how much longer will You be silence,
how much longer shall Your servant wait.
my heart has sunk to the bottom of the ocean,
and my flesh is giving me away.
o Lord, come to my rescue,
come to my aid.
for You are the Lord of mercy,
and the Lord, full of grace.
You who control the mountains and the oceans,
is Holy and powerful.
whom shall i fear, is it not You alone.
come quick my Lord, i need You more than ever.
You are the Lord who send me out to fight,
and give me ten thousand angels to stood beside me.
You are the Lord who fight the battle for me.
whom shall i fear, when You are beside me.
i am here, Lord, Your lowly servant,
willing to go but need Your strength to carry on.
You are faithful and Your promises are forever in front of me.
Your help never forget me, Your name shall be exhalted.
who can fight my God! who can challenge Him!
He is my sovereign God! and Your Kingdom reigns forever and ever!

Amen!

Long Time No See

yes, i havent writtern anything for a long time. for psalm 89 tells about me.
(whole chapter : http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%2088;&version=31;)

2Let my prayer come before thee: incline thine ear unto my cry;

3For my soul is full of troubles: and my life draweth nigh unto the grave.

4I am counted with them that go down into the pit: I am as a man that hath no strength:

5Free among the dead, like the slain that lie in the grave, whom thou rememberest no more: and they are cut off from thy hand.

6Thou hast laid me in the lowest pit, in darkness, in the deeps.

but still, blessed be the name of my Lord, Jesus Christ, and the more i will sing You praise. Amen.

a 12-yr old boy to Houston radio station KSBJ FM 89.3